Justin Langer: How to find the power to move forward after trauma

Rudyard Kipling was an English novelist, short story writer, poet and journalist.

In 1907 he was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature for his great body of work which included The Jungle Book and the poem IF; a beautifully wise poem that hangs on my office wall at home.

‘IF’ was inspired by a father’s advice to his child. Full of wisdom, two lines that caught my eye this week were: “Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, and stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools”.

On New Year’s Eve, my daughter and her partner were broken into. I can only imagine the trauma they felt from this.

After the event, they said to me: “You feel violated when someone goes through your things and steals some of your most prized possessions. It is not necessarily material loss, but rather that feeling of loss of security and safety.”

Being away at the time, I sent my daughter the following message.

“Hi angel. Have been thinking of you on the plane. Bad things can happen in this life. It’s just how it is, unfortunately.

“Something bad happened the other night and it breaks my heart that it happened to you. That said, now that it’s happened, I want you to stand tall and shake it off. Don’t let the bastards get you down — as hard as that might feel right now.

“I never want you to think your home isn’t a safe place. Your home, wherever it is, is your sacred place and you always want it to be that way. Stand tall. Let it go the best you can. Keep moving forward.”

When I arrived home, my daughter told me I should share this message, “because you never know, it might help someone else, like it helped me“.

Ben Crowe, a life coach, and a friend of mine who I listened to in a podcast during the week, says: “Our greatest growth comes from your darkest times because it unlocks humility and curiosity. OK, I am on my knees, life sucks, how do I get through this? And then the curiosity to turn adversity into possibility.”

He goes on to say: “It is also in these times that your values are found. When you are experiencing the lowest of lows, the darkest of dark, that’s when you need to find an energy source to get you through.

“In overcoming these moments — it might be courage, love, perseverance, resilience, optimism, positivity, forgiveness. Whatever it is, if you dig deep, you can overcome anything.”

Bad things come in a variety of forms. Illness, the death of a loved one, violence, accidents, financial hardship. They are generally in the form of loss in one way or another. All of us have experienced times of adversity and loss in our lives.

When my mum and best friend Ben died within a few months of each other six years ago, there was no worse feeling. But with time, the lessons I learned in that period were profound.

I learned that if I could get through that I could get through anything.

Hope is a powerful emotion. I learned how important love is in your life. Often you don’t realise it until you have lost it. In the same breath, the power of love, support, friendship, and guidance when you are walking through a storm, is priceless.

Over the Christmas break, humility, curiosity, adversity, and possibility played out in front of my eyes in public and private ways.

In Melbourne, Shane Warne’s children Jackson, Brooke and Summer joined forces with their families and friends to develop the Shane Warne Legacy.

Initially, the goal for 2023 was to deliver 23,000 free Shane Warne Legacy heart tests. This was accomplished within the first three days following the Boxing Day launch at the MCG.

This year’s goal is equally clear, “to provide 500,000 Australians a free heart test to make a significant difference by reducing the risk of cardiovascular disease, with the potential to save hundreds of thousands of lives”.

The Legacy’s grand vision is to establish a national heart test for every Australian over 40, much like the successful bowel cancer screening program.

From the heartbreaking death of one of Australia’s greatest sportsmen, people have stood tall and not let the bastards — as in the pain of losing someone you love so much — get them down. As hard as that has been.

The McGrath Foundation has trodden a similar and sustained path for breast cancer.

Jane McGrath, a beautiful person with a laugh that lit up a room, left this earth way too young. Watching her husband Glenn and their kids James and Holly lead legions of friends, volunteers, and supporters to help those with breast cancer has been nothing short of phenomenal. The Sydney Test match was as inspiring as ever.

Most charities are the result of someone’s heartache or loss and the subsequent desire to make a difference into the future.

In 2017 I met a young boy from Ballarat named Blake Dridan who had just endured 12 months of intensive bone marrow treatment.

Blake’s battle has inspired many people and organisations to return fire on bone marrow failure in honour of Blake and all those suffering a Bone Marrow Failure Syndrome. While his courageous and heart-wrenching fight continues, it is the love of his family and friends that shines through.

In my office at the WACA, I had a quote on my wall: “The s--- we go through today, is the fertiliser of tomorrow.”

One of my favourite books is The Road Less Travelled, by M. Scott Peck. Intense and deep, Peck’s book has sold more than 10 million copies worldwide.

The very first line of the book reads, “Life is difficult”.

It then goes on to say, “Once we truly know that life is difficult — once we truly understand and accept it — then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters”.

The literary genius of Kipling and Peck might take some thinking about, but my interpretation is that ‘Things go wrong. Sometimes we do it to ourselves, other times it’s out of our control. Either way, when they do, mourn as we must, then stand tall, let it go and keep moving forward as best as we can’.