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Anxiety Aunt: Help! The online dating world is proving too much for me, how else do I find love?

Headshot of Jay Hanna
Jay HannaThe West Australian
Finding love on dating apps can be a bumpy ride.
Camera IconFinding love on dating apps can be a bumpy ride. Credit: amrothman/Pixabay (user amrothman)

Dear Aunty,

I’ve recently got back into dating at the ripe old age of 58 after a messy divorce from my husband of 30 years. However, I am finding it quite shocking how much the dating game has changed. On the advice of friends I joined an online dating app and some of the things I get asked and some of the pictures I’ve been sent are mind-boggling. I have also had a few dates but the men seem so forward and I always leave wishing I hadn’t gone out at all. What advice would you give to a mature woman trying to navigate the world of dating these days?

Yours, Outdated

Dear Outdated,

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It really does warm the cockles of Your Aunt’s weary old heart that you think One has some relevant advice to offer regarding the wild and less than wonderful world of dating apps and online dating.

My dear, it is as much as One can do to send a text message to the correct person without the gremlins in One’s phone taking over and changing every word to something else, never mind working with apps and internet sorcery to discover love (or should that be lust). One only recently retired One’s typewriter in exchange for a fandangled laptop that does everything except boil the kettle, except One uses it only to type out this column each week

Ignorance aside, One has certainly heard some horror stories about this world be it down at the bingo hall or even mutters of scandal in the supermarket checkout queue. One is aware of people sending unsolicited pictures of things resembling the uncooked sausages in One’s grocery basket, for instance. And the unsavoury language and forthright propositions that get slinged around cyberspace like undies at a strip club.

One doesn’t wish to come across as a prude because as a member of an internationally renowned cancan troupe travelling the world, One has seen and experienced plenty which cannot be shared or even alluded to in this column. But what One does lament is the lack of good manners, respect and yes, romance, that has fallen by the wayside in this new world of cyber dating in favour of a more direct and sometimes downright vulgar approach to wooing the opposite sex.

One feels for the younger generation for whom these interactions will perhaps, but hopefully not, be the norm. How sad it would be if sending pictures of body parts to an anonymous person on the other end of a screen took over from those early, heady days of romance when the light brushing of fingers or a lingering look could incite a flutter of butterflies in the belly. It seems a backwards way of doing things when genitals are unveiled before eyes meet or fingers interlace.

One does wish to acknowledge that not all online encounters are bad. And there is no doubt many people have found real and lasting love via apps or online dating and that there are some genuine people, such as yourself, with good intentions out there. But there are also many potholes on this road and it pays to be aware of that before you strap yourself in.

One has mentioned before that One has no desire to find a partner (to those loyal readers who might have felt Bert Saunders’ heart crush reading that do not worry, One has told him to his face many times that his chances stand somewhere between zero and zilch). However if One was looking for love, One would not be searching online. Instead, Outdated, One would just get out and about more. One would take trips and tours — solo if need be, join a club or association One was interested in or even ask friends if they might know someone single who might be compatible.

So ultimately, One’s advice is to get out from behind the screen and out into the world. The added benefit is that while you are on the hunt for love you will be filling your life with memorable experiences and that sure beats a metaphorical wild ride down a bumpy road that may lead to nothing more than a bout of travel sickness.

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